Oscars 2017…Why I’m Not Watching

#OSCARS2017  Wake me when they’re over!

It’s not because #oscarssowhite, or #resistoscars or because Giuliana Rancid makes me barf.

First, I know you don’t care why I’m not watching. 

I just felt compelled to write it down and publish it to get it off my mind.  You may feel the same - You may feel totally the opposite. That’s cool. I respect that.  

Just to be clear, I intend to watch the first 20 minutes of The Oscars broadcast because just like with Saving Private Ryan, the first twenty minutes are the best!  

Jimmy Kimmel is funny. Hopefully Matt Damon will be in a sketch, other famous people will do some self-effacing comedy and there’ll be a snarky-funny song – followed by a Kimmel monologue. Maybe that’ll be edgy?  Might be, but it’s sure to be irreverent/funny/topical/roasty.  

After that?  CLICK!!  Done. Finito. Over & Out!!

Not that there’s any thing better on – nope! 

It’s just this: I pay good money to go to the movies, or to rent them.  In this way do I support the actors, writers, and hundreds of crew who earn their living making movies.

What I’m not paying for is to be lectured to, or preached to, by these same individuals.

• I don’t give a damn what your opinion is on any issue outside of your professsion.
• I do not believe that being nominated for an Oscar confers upon you some inherent right to foist your opinion about anything to the ~37 million people watching the show in the US.  
• I believe if you’re recognized with the award of a lifetime, you should graciously thank the Academy, thank your partner, mom & dad, agent and your “team” and then STFU! 
• It’s not that I don’t take people’s opinions seriously. I do.  Just not everyone’s, and not on every subject.

However... if anyone on the list below ever reads this blog, let me clarify: If you ever attend a community theatre show I’m performing in, please feel free to be brutally honest in your critique and share your opinion on my performance with anyone you care to.

Otherwise, tonight at the Oscars?  

Winners say whatever you want. I won’t hear it because I don’t believe you have the right to use that forum as your golden opportunity to proselytize - after all, it’s not like you’re offering equal time to those with opposing views! 

Specifically, here’s who I don’t want to hear anything from about the economy, environment, politics, president, global warming, or race relations:
Casey Affleck	Andrew Garfield	Or anybody else involved with:
Viggo Mortensen	Denzel Washington	Cinematography
Ruth Negga	Natalie Portman	Editing
Meryl Streep	Mahershala Ali	Sound Editing
Lucas Hedges	Dev Patel	Visual Effects
Viola Davis	Naomie Harris	Original Screenplay
Octavia Spencer	Michelle Williams	Costume Design
Mel Gibson	Barry Jenkins	Music Score
Denis Villeneuve	Leslie Jones	Sound Mixing
Jodi Foster	Judd Apatow	Adapted Screenplay
Nicole Kidman	Ryan Gosling	Documentary Feature
Damien Chazelle	Isabelle Huppert	Production Design
Kenneth Lonergan	Emma Stone	Makeup
George Clooney	Jeff Bridges
	Michael Shannon

It happens when they change something.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Gwen Loved Leonard Cohen and It Almost Killed Me

Leonard Cohen has passed away. 

The New York Times called him, “...an unlikely and reluctant pop star, if in fact he ever was one.”

For the record?   I tried. I really tried.
You see... 

Years ago, I dated a girl named Gwen. Gwen adored Leonard Cohen. She was determined to help me get into  his music, so she asked me over to her apartment for what she said would be a very special night.

Gwen lived in a second floor walkup just off Downer Ave., walking distance from UWM.  I found her in the bedroom rummaging thru the perpetual pile of clothes and filled up sketch books strewn about on the floor. Upon finding my old brown corduroy bell bottomed Levis she said, “Here, wear these!" (I wondered where those were).  For the record she was wearing her hippy-earth-mother dress - the one she made from a McCalls pattern. 

I changed and walked into the tiny kitchen in time to see her dumping a can of Chock Full 'O Nuts coffee into her coffee urn. As it brewed, she asked me to get the bottle of Amaretto from the cupboard.  I knew it was going to be some kind of special night because there was a lentil stew simmering in the crock pot (hell, the entire building knew it!)  Gwen turned off the lights, lit the few candles she had stuck in Mateus bottles and we sat down on throw pillows strewn around her living room floor. 
For the next three hours we ate bowls of thick lentil stew, drank cups of black coffee with Amaretto and listened to Leonard Cohen on the Lear Jet 8 track stereo, (for the record, it was MY tape deck!)  Over and over again he droned on.  “It’s like having our own NBC!”, she giggled, “Nothing But Cohen!” 

Three and one half hours later, I ran screaming from her apartment - I couldn’t take it any longer!  I got back to my place, put on a pair of  earphones and listened to Abbey Road, flushing the sounds of Leonard Cohen out of my head!  Adding injury to insult, I didn't sleep for two days on account of  that damn black coffee. Good thing too, because that lentil stew combined with the Amaretto wreaked total havoc on my lower GI system!  

It was three weeks later that I happened to walk past Gwen's building one evening coming back from the UWM law library and stopped dead in my tracks!  The smell of lentil stew hung like a fog below her apartment window.  In my head I could picture some poor schlep sitting on the floor on her throw pillows, pretending to like Leonard Cohen’s god awful drone, while all the while hoping that Gwen would let him touch her perfect body with more than just his mind.  I shuddered and hurried by. 

A few years later the inevitable happened -- I bumped into Gwen in Lake Park. She had her  new, Leonard-loving hubby in tow.  We chatted for a few awkward minutes, exchanging pleasantries.  I managed to snap this photo just after asking her if it would be OK if I stopped by to pick up my eight track player.  

Gotta say this for Gwen, she looked great in a romper and never took a bad picture.

Gwen flips me off while wearing a romper

Guys and Dolls

First rehearsal with the orchestra. That's me in the white shirt! I was asked to sit in the back corner because, as the Musical Director said,  You might scare the band.

Good view of the theatre from the spot light booth.

Rehearsal

Listening as Sister Sarah preaches to the crowd in Runyonland. The stage hands forgot to make this cheezy sign til literally the last minute...Can you tell?!   PS: It's glued onto a Home Depot stir stick.

Telling Sarah I know she's in love with Sky. The wardrobe madame messed up and sewed Sergeant stripes on my coat, instead of Lindsey's -- and then I refused to wear the stewardess cap!  And then she 'forgot' to lower my coat sleeves. #doesn'thappenonBroadway

Arvide Abernathy; Leader of the Save A Soul Mission chorus

Adding harmony to Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat.

Sky Masterson trying to BS Arivde

Maybe a little too much rouge on the schnoz??  I was going for the "Drunk Irish" look

Singing, Follow The Fold

Crap Shooters Dance

Sarah and Arvide: Blue sailor suit and brown shoes?  It's OK, I'm from Milwaukee!

Singing, More I Cannot Wish You.  Funny story; When the sound guy forgot to turn off Lindsey's mic, my voice had reverb like Darth Vader

Adelaide and the Hot Box chorus girls, Take Back Your Mink

Adelaide belts out her lament... a bad, bad, cold!

Giving Sky Masterson and the Mugs my advice.  You can see them checking their coat sleeves! (my shirt, brought from the casa, is 36". Costume coat sleeve is 32". baahahahaha!)

Thank you and drive safely!

I felt bad for Nancy. She took bows with me. She was an innocent victim. She knew the audience applause was muted as a final criticism for my short sleeves and wearing brown shoes. You can see me hunching over, trying to make it less obvious.